Wednesday, 5 April 2006

Why The British Left Sucks in 2006: Episode VII - Martin fucking stupid fucking Kettle

What is your name!? Martin fucking stupid fucking twatting arsehole Kettle.

What is your quest!? I made some vague references to eurocommunists in episode V. Here is the real deal. He writes in the Guardian, proclaiming socialism 'dead' sans evidence, and urging the Prime Minister to continue with his vital Privatisation Of The Week (PotW), although of course this will be referred to as 'reform', or in the runup to a significant parliamentary session, 'vital reform'.

What is your favourite colour? That of buttercups on a summer's day - yellow through and through.

You might remember me from... He may have pissed you off in the Guardian. In the 80s he may have pissed you off in "Marxism" Today. if not, either you're too cynical for the Guardian and too young for MT, or you should be reading another blog.

Pros: Doused with enough petrol he'd liven up bonfire night.

Cons: You see, our Marty grew up a fervent Communist. And although he may emphasise 'democracy' and 'individual freedom' today (and who does he think he's fooling?) he has in essence preserved the core of what made the old CPGB such a ghastly institution. He believes that, because he is in the majority in the Communist Party of Martin Kettle, he is infallible, and since he has this (not as unique as he would like) experience of giving up on communism without giving up on the Party, he has a sound basis for proclaiming all our marxism(s) invalid, without brooking dissent towards his laughable arguments.

Overall: Martin Kettle is to my humble myspace as Tiesto is to He cannot be sent to Vorkuta soon enough.